You used to go home at lunch to take care of the dog. This was your part of the division of labor between you and your wife. She works at the blood bank. You walked the dog in the middle of the day. Fed him. Watched a ½ hour of YouTube while he slept next to you. Then the dog died. Now you don’t go home for lunch anymore. You take your breaks at the Starbucks near the office. Most of your colleagues hate the place for the bad coffee or the bad taste. You agree but you like being where your colleagues aren’t. They’re good people. Nice enough. But you’re the cranky database guy. No one listens to the database guy. You’re cranky and snarky, like all the other database guys before you. Colleagues tolerate bitter snark from the database guy because anything is better than having to take over for him. Those who do turn bitter and snarky. You’re aloof, you figure, to protect them from your toxic nature. Every now and then, as you flick through web pages, sipping burnt coffee, you think maybe you should try to be popular. Ask after peoples’ lives. Set a picture of your wife and son on your desk. Or at least the dog. Chat about pleasant things in a hopeful way. Have a story to tell about your weekend. You’ve tried in the past but you never keep it up. You feel annoying and badgering. And then people want to ask after you and your family and your interests and it’s too much. There’s work to be done and when the pressure’s on, you’d rather shut up and get to it. The Database Guy / 2